Still Alone
by Dark Card Mistress
Summary: I've learned a lot from being alone. Spoilers from The Lost Boys. JohnElizabeth. Completed
1. His

**Still Alone**

Chapter One: His

As I walked through the halls of the Wraith ship with the Wraith guards escorting me to my doom, I couldn't help thinking back to Elizabeth and Atlantis. What they were doing now? How long until they realized that they may never see us again, that we were lost? I couldn't help but feel regret. I'll never see _her_ again. I'll never tell _her_ how I feel.

I found her on the balcony one time, staring out into the vast ocean surrounding Atlantis. She in such deep thought that she didn't hear me come out and was startled when I stood next to her.

"So, what are you doing out here on this fine day?" She sighed.

"Just admiring the scenery." Elizabeth leaned on the railing of the balcony and continued to stare out beyond the ocean to the sunset and the colours of the sky. Red, yellow, orange with some blue still. We stood there in silence for almost half an hour to an hour, enjoying the summer breeze, before I broke the comfortable silence between us. Her faced showed worry and confusion among other emotions when I faced her.

"Penny for your thoughts." I said, taking in how calm she looked with the wind blowing through our hair.

She smiled. "I was thinking over a dream I had a while ago."

"Oh? Care to share?"

"I was dreaming of what it'd be like before the Wraith were created, if the ancients never encountered the Iratus bug and created the Wraith. Death wouldn't be around us continuously and so many lives would have been spared." Elizabeth chuckled and stood up straight. "But there's no point in dreaming now. Sooner or later, the Wraith will find out that we're not as dead as they hoped and come for us."

Elizabeth took one final look at the now night sky, and turned to make her way back to work, to reality. I grabbed her hand to stop and faced her.

"Don't worry, one day, we'll be free from the Wraith, and when they do come knocking on our doorstep again, I'll protect you." I gave her a reassuring smile.

She arched her brow. "You mean you'll protect Atlantis?"

"Right, of course." She nodded and left me on the balcony to ponder my thoughts.

I've learned a lot from being alone. I've learnt that I can't get too close to anyone because sooner or later, they'll leave, and I'll be alone again.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when the Wraith started pushing me as I entered a new room. I stepped upon the platform and looked around. I couldn't see much, just darkness. I sensed something behind me and I turned around, only to see a female Wraith, much like the keeper.

"Kneel," the Wraith hissed as I was forced onto my knees.

I tried to protect Elizabeth and her dream, to protect myself, not to get too close to her, so when I went missing like now or when the Wraith came for Atlantis, we wouldn't single each other out, but it was too late.

'I'll never see her face, I'll never tell her how I feel for her, and I'll never be with her.'

* * *

_Where are you walking,  
what are you staring at now?  
Are you still chasing that dream  
you once told me about?_

_I loved your face that  
seemed to tell the future._

_For you to protect that dream,  
I couldn't be with you_

_When you stood here  
and watched the scenery,  
how much anxiety and confusion  
did you battle with?_

_I've learned a lot  
from being alone._

Still Alone - Ayumi Hamasaki 

* * *

Please review! 

_Dark Card Mistress_


	2. Her

Adafrog: Of course you can post it on your LJ. :) 

Thanks to everyone else who reviewed!

**Still Alone**

Chapter Two: Her

"And I know that, but I need you to understand that it is gonna take a _very_ long time to search all the planets on our list. It…it could take months." The moment Major Lorne said that in my office that day, I knew he was correct. Even though I knew that, I didn't give up on _him._

"We can't afford months, Major." Lorne sighed.

"And I know that too."

"Good," I said quietly and watched Lorne leave my office. I put my head in my hands and exhaled deeply. I wasn't with Zelenka when he and the other scientists were going over the data they found in the DHD. I was making my way there, to check up on the situation when I stopped short at what I heard. I leant on the wall outside the lab in the hallway so they didn't see me.

I heard Zelenka talking. "It's going to be next to impossible to find Colonel Sheppard and his team based on what I got from the DHD."

After that, I heard another scientist; female, Simpson I think; reply to Zelenka. "We'll just tell Dr. Weir the addresses. She knows that'll take a long time to search them all."

"Why not just tell her that Colonel Sheppard and his team are long gone and probably dead? It'll save us all a lot of time!" Kavanagh said obnoxiously. Bastard.

"Kavanagh, what are you doing here? You weren't invited to this meeting." I could tell Zelenka, along with all the other scientists, that they were frustrated and agitated with him.

"Well, I'm just here to contribute to the situation. Besides, you along with everyone else on this base know that Sheppard is as good as dead."

Zelenka was frustrated. "No, it is just you who thinks that! Everyone here, unlike you, knows that they're alive and it'll take time searching for them. So, thank you Kavanagh, for your helpful contribution to this problem, it has helped us greatly!" Zelenka said sarcastically as I smirked, noticing that Rodney's sarcasm rubbed off onto Radek. "Now, please, leave. Get out."

Kavanagh mumbled incoherently and left through the door I was standing next to. As soon as he left the room, he saw me and the look on his face was priceless. If the situation weren't so serious, I would have laughed.

"D-Dr. Weir. I-I was just, ah…"

I glared at him as I stepped into the light so that everyone could see me. "Get out…of my sight," I managed out through my clenched teeth. Kavanagh of course, being the coward he was, ran away to wherever the hall took him. I turned to the science team as looked at them all. I drew a shaky breath and spoke. "Is it true? Would it be nearly impossible to find them?"

Simpson spoke up. "Technically, Dr. Weir, it is possible but will take a very long time with the amount of teams we have, and half of them are already on missions."

"So what you're saying is, if we had more teams and people searching then we could find them." They all nodded, except for one scientist near the back.

"Assuming and hoping they didn't gate to another planet."

"Okay, let's rule that out for the time being. I'll contact Earth and get them to send the Daedalus here to help with the search." I turned to leave but stopped and faced them once again. "There's no way you can see the order of the addresses?" They all shook their heads sadly. After that, I simply just nodded and left.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard footsteps. I snapped my head up and saw that it was only one of the technicians handing in a report. I looked dully at the folder in front of me before looking out, through the glass walls of my office, at the Stargate. Everyday I sit here; I expect them to just walk through the circular object with John declaring that he was home. I lifted my voice recorder to my lips and was about to record the weekly report we send to Earth but decided against it. Instead, I simply got up and made my way to the balcony, the balcony that _we_ discovered.

I leaned against the railing, as I had done several times before, and thought back to the one time where John and I just stood on this very spot as the sun set. I didn't tell him that I had two dreams. The one I told him was the second one. I tried not to think about the first, knowing that it wasn't appropriate because I am his boss and he is my second in command. I told myself many times back then, that it was wrong, but even so…why? Why is it wrong? I asked myself many times and the answers I came up with didn't make me content.

Over time, I became reliant on him, for strength. He could always make me relax at stressful times and with him around, it was like I could do anything, get through rough times. But now that he's missing, it's like he let go of my hand. I don't like to rely on anyone; I was independent, but even so…

"But even so…why do you have this effect over me?" I whispered as I bent my head down and looked at the city below. "I remember your promise. I remember everyday. I just hope that one day, you'll come back and fulfill that promise." I closed my eyes, listened to the waves, smelled the ocean, and enjoyed the sunlight against my hair. When I opened my eyes, I was overcome with emotion. I sniffed and bit back the tears, blinking furiously. Thankfully, none fell.

I walked back to my office and as I entered my office, I remembered the message that I had to record for Earth. I sat down and exhaled deeply before I picked up the machine and recorded the message.

"…And thanks to several modifications, the specifics of which are encrypted in this data burst, we believe we can streamline our power consumption a further thirty percent." I was about to finish my message then and there but no doubt, they wanted to know the status of _his_ team. "Also at the time of this transmission, Colonel Sheppard's team is still missing and is…is presumed…" I clenched my jaw before continuing. "Colonel Sheppard's team is still missing. End transmission."

'As long as you didn't let go of my hand, I felt like I could do anything. But now, I feel so alone.'

* * *

_As long as you didn't let go of my hand,  
I felt like I could do anything._

_When we walked along the same path  
I believed without a single doubt._

_But even so, why...?_

_But even so, why...?_

_But I..._

_I remember your promise.  
I remember everyday._

Still Alone by Ayumi Hamasaki

* * *

The part initalics at the endwas the second part of the song by Ayumi. I'm planning a follow-up of this story and hopefully it'll be up soon! Hope you liked. Please review!

_Dark Card Mistress_


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